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Erin go Bragh

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i might be floatin' but I will not sink [15 Mar 2007|05:11pm]
so its been a long time since i posted anything in here.  lots of stuff has gone down since the last one.  i work at a new job in tarpon springs.  i live with some friends.  i don't talk to anyone in my family anymore.  but they dont like me anyway.  its funny cause im the one with the most shit together out of all of us...except my money situation is really bad so somehow that makes me a worse fuckup than everyone else.  but at least im not cultivating drug addictions, im not a bitter old bastard, im not living with a loser boyfriend in a shitty trailer working at a dead end job for seven bucks an hour, i'm not in jail, and i'm not moving a thousand miles away with a guy i met eight months ago.

in case you were wondering.
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as for me, i like a dark smoky bar, a shot of whiskey, and a cheap cigar [16 Nov 2006|01:05am]
I paid my phone bill today, so if you call me it should go through, at least for the next ten days or so til more money's due.

I am moving out of my brother's place. Don't know where I'm going yet...supposedly Patrick is going to kick the kid out if he fucks up again and then I can move back in, but I've been hearing this for a few weeks now and I don't know if that's really how shit's gonna work. Patrick said I can stay there if I want to even though KC doesn't want me there, but every single night/morning there are people over there partying til six and seven in the morning (and I'd be sleeping on the couch). Not to mention yesterday afternoon there were kids with guns banging on the door trying to shoot the kid so I think I'm all set. I guess that tells you how good of a guy he is...there are people coming to his house threatening to shoot him. Apparently there aren't many people that get along with this kid and he's takin' Patrick for a ride (Patrick paid most of the deposit on the apartment, I paid about a quarter of it [three hundred dollars on TWO DAYS notice, and I had NOTHING when I started I might add...] and he covered the rest, but he put this shithead's name on the lease instead, so now it's me that has to leave and not this kid, and no one will give me any of my goddamn money back!!!) I'm wicked fucking sick of all of this.

But yeah, that's why my phone was disconnected...cause I put the money I had to pay my bill towards getting this apartment, and I paid my rent for this month too, and now I'm fuckin' broke and homeless (and I technically paid for two more weeks). I swung on him yesterday afternoon cause he pushed me and got in my face and started calling me all these names...but my brother and two of his friends broke it up (still don't understand why they didn't jump in and help me out instead).

The funny thing is, I haven't really been a bitch to him. Any normal person would have snapped way before I did. He doesn't have a job, hasn't paid any bills, sits around and gets high and eats me and Patrick's groceries all day, and then at night when we go to work he has a million people over. I sleep on a futon in the living room...when there are pregnant bitches snorting coke off my living room table and drunk kids puking all over the place it's kind of hard to sleep. I came home from work to change on Halloween night and they were lighting fireworks off the balcony. Patrick and I paid our rent on the first of the month like we were supposed to, but it's the fifteenth today and KC just came up with his fucking money so it makes us all look like shitheads. The cops have been called a few times, but every time they get called me and Patrick are at work. The neighbors hate him, the cops hate him, everyone he used to be friends with hates him, his family hates him...and now Patrick's gonna lose all this money because he's gonna fuck him over. I already got fucked over...I'm the one working my ass off to pay all these bills, and when I try to put my foot down so I can get more than two hours of sleep in a night I'M the bitch.

Whatever. He will get his. Karma's a bitch.

So if anyone has a couch that isn't occupied hit me up, teehee.
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i said, "be careful, his bowtie is really a camera" [17 Aug 2006|09:44am]
[ mood | gotta go to work soon ]

i'm moving to jacksonville with erica and max when i get back from colorado.

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I don't care if you sink or swim, and I don't care how you hold it in [09 Aug 2006|04:11pm]
[ mood | kinda tired ]

So I guess we'll try an update, I've had a little hiatus from this thing so I'm sure my internet stalkers are wondering what's been up.

I got home from work a little while ago, just walked in the door pretty much. In a few minutes I'm going to pick Ryan up in Tarpon, and then we're going to visit his friend in the hospital in Countryside cause he got in a car accident and he's a little banged up.

August 24th I leave for Colorado. I'll be there for nine days. Jacki and a whole bunch of people (and me!) are going to see Tool on the 30th...I'm wicked happy I'm going out there. I really need a vacation; I've been working 35-45 hours a week waiting tables for the past seven months and it's getting to me. I can't wait to see everybody. I can't believe I've been gone for so long.

I might be moving up to Jacksonville with Erica and Max when I get back from my trip. The whole situation sounds really good and shit...three of us in a house, and rent is less than $300 a month. Plus, the living situation at my mom's is kinda fucked. She has a new boyfriend and I think she might be working on moving him in. More and more of his stuff has been laying around the house lately, and she got the cable turned back on. So...I don't know. I really like my job here though, so I don't know if I want to leave just yet.

I got a few new tats since the last update, too...too bad I can't find the cord for the camera, I'd post 'em for you guys. Don't worry though, they're sweet. My hair is also pretty close to white now, I bleached the ever living fuck out of it a bunch of times. That looks sweet too. You're just going to have to take my word for it.

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[14 Apr 2006|02:45pm]
livejournal depresses me.

i have had one since the summer after freshman year i think.

i want to hear the new tool song.
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live from beacon woods [29 Mar 2006|08:51pm]
nothing in life is inherently important.

so you decide what's important to you, and you live accordingly.

im not worried about a lot of shit. i dont have high expectations. so most of the time im pretty damn happy.

not everyone agrees that this is the right way to do things. but it works for me. anything and everything in life is relative. it's all about perspective.
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for once i am the good child [28 Mar 2006|09:07pm]
[ mood | frustrated ]

i think im going to go stay with my grandma for a few days starting tomorrow. it's really stressful living at my house right now. but it's not my mom that's the problem, it's my brothers...

i hate being the one everyone mooches off of. i help everyone out all the time and i don't even get a little consideration back. ill buy pat a pack of smokes...a day later, he's at it again "erin can i have a cigarette?" and when i tell him i barely have enough to support my own habit let alone his too...then he steals from me. or how about how he goes for drug tests every week, and if he fails he goes to jdc. but he wakes me up every morning at 7:00 am and begs me for roaches or a bowl pack. he'll steal that shit too, if i dont give it to him. then he expects me to bring him to get the stuff to pass his test, and half the time i have to pay for it. he even stole my fucking pillow the last few nights. i didnt even think to look in his room til today...i slept like shit for the past few days, and i get home at 5:45 to pick him up from work (he was in bed sleeping, like he did all day, not even dressed for work...) and he's using my pillow.

not to mention pat's sketchy friends trying to jump people at our house.

my mom might make sean move back in. i hope she does. my brothers are both fucking up so bad...in different ways, but still fucking up.

and i didnt even get the 'dro tonight.

i just want someone to give me a hug. i hugged my mom tonight but that doenst count cause it was me trying to consol her.

and i want someone without severe emotional problems to party with.

i want to make some friends who can handle their lives themselves, that dont use their friends as babysitters.

im not even sad or anything really, im just tired of all the unnecessary bullshit.

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if i hadnt made me idve fallen apart by now [28 Mar 2006|01:36am]
[ mood | i need to crash ]

so ive been pretty busy the past few days...working a shitload, but it's good, im making good money cause im serving now. always have gas in the car, cigarettes, a bag, and minutes on my phone, and enough to pay the bills and even some im saving for travelling/car/moving. and some extra to party with. last night was hardcore and im suffering for it today (thanks to the other erin and jimmy, and also erica/jeff/joe/nikki for watching south park, i miss cable, sorry i couldnt stick around, had to get pat from work]. my whole face hurts, ive had a wicked headache since ten thirty this morning. nothing im doing is actually planned but yeah, if it was, it would be going as planned. i guess right now it's all gravy, baby.

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shut up slut, you're causing too much chaos [21 Mar 2006|03:48pm]
[ mood | insignificant ]

trying to keep it posi...

but goddammit, everyone fucking sucks.

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truman capote style. reminds me of the story with the cats in the freezer. [19 Mar 2006|01:29am]
[ mood | high and sleepy, long work day ]

This isn't going to be long and eloquent or anything.

But I know this kid whose little brother is 12. he sells roaches that he steals or are donated to him to this other kid his age for any amount between ten and forty bucks, depending on how big it is.

You'd think the kid would smoke them.

Instead...he puts them in a bag. And eats them while he plays video games.

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one day we'll take their body parts and put them on the wall [22 Feb 2006|01:35am]
[ mood | chillaxin' ]

i just went into type the subject for this journal, and i hit the wrong button, and it brought up this little list of things people have entered into search fields. one of them said "people like erin davitt...." (who typed that into a search field on this computer: my mom, my brother, or one of my brothers friends? and what are people like me LIKE?) and it brought up my myspace page.

it was kind of creepy.

besides that...
i went to rachel's tonight and helped her dye her hair. i hope it came out alright. jazz came over to hang out for a little while, too; we watched adult swim and ate girl scout cookies. and then i came home. no work tomorrow, nothing in particular to do. it could be a lot worse.

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someday i do believe that i'll be buried six feet underground [21 Feb 2006|08:14pm]
[ mood | melancholy ]

so nothing's really new. saw some people i hadnt seen in a while over the weekend, which was cool. got paid today so i picked up a quarter after work. i dyed my hair yesterday, too, it looks really cool, too bad there's nobody to impress.

jeremiah keeps texting me about coming back to colorado. it will be as soon as possible unless everything picks up pretty drastically here. im tired of unreturned phone calls and being blown off.

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tired [08 Feb 2006|09:25pm]
[ mood | sleepy ]

so i got my transfer today...im gonna be working at the ruby tuesday on ridge road in npr. and it's awesome cause it only takes like 25 min to walk, and if i want to get on the bus it takes like 10 min to get there. and i start tomorrow at 2. im wicked excited.

after my interview i went to uncle rollies and hung out there for a while. he bought me three packs of cigarettes and my month long bus pass, so i cleaned some of his house for him. it was cool as hell.

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[05 Feb 2006|11:21pm]
[ mood | frustrated ]

its hard cause in colorado everyone was no bullshit, no drama, we just chilled and everything was fine, and everyone had everyone elses back. here, its your best friends that fuck you first.

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difficult not to feel a little bit disappointed, passed over [02 Feb 2006|01:15am]
[ mood | exhausted ]

so i went to michelle's last night. she gave me a bar at dunkin...i ate it...and i was fine. she gave me another one two hours later. i ate it...and passed the fuck out. on her bed. before everyone even got to the house to drink. as far as i know michelle, shannon, rachel, ron, patrick, and sonny were there, and i dont remember any of it. i was told that in order to move me from michelles bed they just kind of pushed me and let me drop to the floor. i cant do bars anymore dudes.

but then me, rachel, michelle, and patrick woke up, dropped patrick off at my moms house, got ron and went to the beach. ron gave me this pimp ass boston red sox hat for my birthday. michelle bought me weed and jack daniels, bless her little heart haha. my brother and leah bought me ten scratch tickets, but i only one a dollar off of one. ohhhh well. i got some stuff that i needed from my mom, and some shirts from my grandma [theyre actually pretty sweet], and a gift card to target from jill and jay and the kids. the only bad thing was, michelle had to leave for a little while and needed leah to drive her...so i thought ron, sean, and patrick were going to stay and eat supper with us, but they left with michelle and leah. so me, being overtired and bitchy and overwhelmed, sat there at the table and cried in front of everyone...and my mom told me to stop being stupid. so i ate and stuff and saw everyone and it was cool. but i kind of wish i stayed in colorado for my birthday, cause then i would be tripping with hmmm lets see...trevor, spanky, jacki, mandy, christopher, and crystal...at the least.

but im here.

michelle wasnt allowed to crash here cause my mom thinks she's on drugs.

if i could have one wish it would be that everyone would just get along.

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home [31 Jan 2006|11:26pm]
[ mood | sleepy but really content ]

so last night was a blast...thank you to everyone: jacki, jo jo, trevor, spanky, mandy, ricky, danielle, the other mandy, karissa, and that kid from the parking lot haha.

and special thanks to ricky, danielle, and mandy for getting my drunk ass out of bed at four in the morning and to the airport even though i yelled at you a lot [lets face it, im hard to wake up sometimes]...not only on time, but for coming in with me and helping me walk around cause i couldnt do it myself if i tried haha. you guys are the SHIT.

and so yeah...im at home now, and my mom has this sweet computer. and the hot tub. so i think im gonna go do some hot tub action. then im going to michellywellys to drink some more with patrick, sonny, ron, rachel, and michelle.

and tomorrow ill be nineteen.

and if i wasnt so tired i would be in the best mood ever.

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comin home [29 Jan 2006|03:37pm]
I'm moving back to Florida on Tuesday, Jan 31.

I have a kind of new number. its 978 855 6942...or you can call my moms house...868 4234.

everyone should hang out with me on wednesday, cause its my birthday.

my mom has a hot tub.

i think im getting a transfer from my work to the one down near my moms house. sweet.

dont eat the almond snickers. they arent that good.
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metal bands i could not stand [04 Jan 2006|03:30pm]
So the trip back home was a bust.
My dad and I aren't talking anymore.
I'm staying at my stepdad's for the last few days I'm here.
I probably won't see my brothers for a long damn time.
I'm emotionally drained, on the verge of tears.
It used to be that I flipped out when I got upset...
now I just kind of shut down.
I have a lot of work to do when I get back to the Springs.

Let me tell you a fucked up story.
So I used to have this cousin named Faith.
She lived with her dad in Clinton...
that's where my dad lives now.
Her dad, my great uncle, died one day.
My aunt Shirley took her in.
Faith went off to college, and dropped out pretty quick.
Then she got all manic depressive
and nobody really cared, and Shirley got all her dad's money.
She was about 21 when...
one weekend...
Shirley and her new husband Ed went away for a few days.
They shut off all the water
emptied the fridge
took all of Faith's medicines
and left her there.
They came back on Sunday
and Faith was dead.
She was in the ground three days later.
Most of my family thinks Shirley wanted life insurance money.
There was no autopsy
and nobody talks about it.

Sheila was 13 or 14 when all of this happened.
She told me over the phone today
that I remind her of Faith.
So, she's making me go talk to someone when I get back.

On a brighter note...
Mandy's moving back in about a week
so that's cool.

My mom kicked her boyfriend
and my brothers out of the house
and bought a hot tub two days before new years.
Sean's living with his girlfriend
and Patrick's living with some crack dealers.

And I thought last Christmas was shitty.

But...shit happens I guess.
Just cause the world falls apart
doesnt mean I have to, too.
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"it doesnt work for me, im a failure as a pot smoker" [12 Dec 2005|11:02pm]
[ mood | pretty good ]

"erin! you're missing the pigs!"

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head for the hills, the kitchen's on fire [08 Dec 2005|11:20am]
[ mood | alright ]

I hadn't heard Motion City Soundtrack's new cd, and you guys probably all think I'm gay but I don't care, cause I'm listening to the tracks they have up on myspace and it's sweet as fuck.

Tiny hands, recycled cans, the metal bands I could not stand..
The time you cried and threw your crayons across the floor...
These are the things I think about when I'm alone without you
I wonder of your whereabouts and hope like hell you're happy where you are.
You used to say that "you're just fine!"
But I still wonder all the time.
Hockey games, medical claims, police reports, terrible grades,
J, I'm so proud of all the things you've done.
These are the things I think about when I'm alone without you
I wonder of your whereabouts and hope like hell you're happy where you are.
"I'm alright, I'm alright."
I can see through everything you say, and all the lessons I never learned..
You used to say that "you're just fine!"
But I still wonder all the time.
Do you still believe in the stories told
To you by my friends and I when you were four years old?
How it got so cold that words just froze
We had to wait 'til summer to find out what was said
One of the best times that we had.
I know I say that I'm just fine,
But I hope you wonder from time to time.

I was nervous from the start that our muscles might tear us apart
(Are muscles tearing us apart?)
From the words that carve our lives to the words that take us by surprise
(I was never taken by surprise.)
From the sounds that disappear to the changes we begin to fear
(I can hear you clearly.)
One day I'll fail to breathe and all you'll have are memories
(All we are are memories.)

I found out Leah is coming up to my dad's with my brothers. Maybe I'm crazy, but I think when you're 17 years old, you shouldn't bring your girlfriend to your dad's house for christmas when you've never had a christmas with your dad and brother and sister all together at one time. I wouldn't even do it, I don't think it's my place to bring anyone for Christmas, it doesn't matter how much I like or love whoever I'm with, sometimes people just need to know their fucking place and have some respect. But whatevs, he's bringing her anyways...I don't even want to see him now, seriously, it sounds wicked bitchy, but i dont want to share my brother with anyone, and he shouldnt be so openly serious about this chick when he's so young. he thinks hes in love but he doesnt know what love is, man, this is his first girlfriend for chrissakes. id never bring anyone to meet my dad ESPECIALLY when he doesnt want her there and neither do i,...but i wouldnt ever bring anyone to meet my dad unless i was engaged or some shit.

so yeah im glad im going home, but its going to take all i have not to punch sean in the face...why cant he just have some respect for dad and for me and just not fucking bring the bitch. i dont want to fight with my brother, but he always always always has to push everything too far. and im not being nice to her, i dont want her to be glad she came.

it makes me so mad i want to cry.

but everything is alright.

Tell me that you're alright,
Yeah everything is alright.
Oh please tell me that you're alright,
Yeah everything is alright.
Give me a reason to end this discussion,
To break with tradition.
To fold and divide.
Cause I hate the ocean, theme parks and airplanes,
Talking with strangers, waiting in line..
I'm through with these pills that make me sit still.
"Are you feeling fine?"
Yes, I feel just fine.
Tell me that you're alright,
Yeah everything is alright.
Oh please tell me that you're alright,
Yeah everything is alright.
I'm sick of the things I do when I'm nervous
Like cleaning the oven or checking my tires
Or counting the number of tiles in the ceiling..
Head for the hills, the kitchen's on fire!
I used to rely on self-medication,
I guess I still do that from time to time.
But I'm getting better at fighting the future,
"Someday you'll be fine.."
Yes, I'll be just fine.

Tell me that you're alright,
Yeah everything is alright.
Oh please tell me that you're alright,
Yeah everything is alright.
Give me a reason (I don't believe a word)
To end this discussion (of anything I've heard)
To break with tradition (they tell me that it's not so hard)
To fold and divide (it's not so hard)
So let's not get carried (away with everything)
Away with the process (from here to in-between)
of elimination (the long goodbye)
I don't want to waste your time.
Tell me that you're alright,
Yeah everything is alright.
Oh please tell me that you're alright,
Yeah everything is alright.
Tell me that you're alright, (Hi, everything's great)
Yeah everything is alright. (Everything's fine)
Oh please tell me that you're alright, (Hi, everything's great)
Yeah everything is alright.

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